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OK, so, you’re gay, and you want to find a significant other and eventually a husband; someone with whom to share your life. However, you just can’t seem to meet the right guy or make the right connection. You keep coming up empty-handed, stymied in your actions, no matter what you experiment. All of this talk of legalized marriage just seems to make things worse, adding pressure from friends, family, and even yourself.

You think that maybe it’s just not possible for lgbtq+ men to have long-term relationships. There must be some authenticity to the old joke: “What does a gay man deliver on a second date?” Response: “What second date?” You would be ready to throw in the towel, if it weren’t for your best friend who met someone and is now in a happy relationship for the past two years—or that middle-aged couple who live in your building and who just celebrated 25 years together with a trip to Paris. So you end up wondering, “What’s the matter with me? What am I doing wrong?”

As an openly gay man with over 30 years of experience as a therapist, I have seen scores of single gay men sabotage their efforts to fin